Apr 02 2009
Not With My Daughter, You Don’t!
The sweaty palms. The butterflies in the stomach. The desire to be anyplace, but here, right now.
I’m sure that is what the teen-aged boy experienced as he sat on the porch with his girlfriend’s father. Yet, he’s not the only one feeling anxious. So is the girlfriend’s father. I know, because that dad is me.
Some people would call me an old-fashioned father. I lay claim to that moniker. I believe that it is my responsibility as a father to support, empower, guide, and yes, protect, my daughters. And that is why I find myself on the porch with a pimple-prone adolescent stud-muffin discussing sex, or more accurately, NO SEX, with regards to my child.
The first potential boyfriend to sit through “THE talk” had barely started shaving. Fourteen years old! Oh boy, did I have to be delicate. My wife gave me a great analogy to use. “A girl is like a beautiful rose. If you pick the petal from the bloom before it’s time, you hurt the flower and it will never blossom the way God intended”, I say and then add, ”Do you know what I’m trying to say”? He replies, “Yeah. I dig your haiku”.
So earnest. So mature. So wrong.
I describe my daughter’s standards as well as my expectations. I probe for his intentions and motivation. I commend him for placing himself in such an uncomfortable position by having this talk with me. I consent to let them see each other. Yet, from that moment on, the boy jumps out of his skin whenever I say hello to him.
As the boyfriends are getting older, my sensitivity about an indelicate topic vanishes like the pimples from their faces. “If you touch my daughter, YOU’LL BE SORRY!”, I assure them. Well, I don’t really threaten them, but healthy fear creeps in like a summer fog.
Does it really do any good?, I ask myself as I talk love and sex with these hormonal generators, hoping they don’t see the beads of perspiration breaking out on my upper lip. I answer myself, “yes, it does”. My daughters tell me they appreciate it. It’s a valuable tool to help discern the character of the guy who wants to hang around my girl. Even the guys sometimes express appreciation for the parental involvment. “No one has ever taken the time to talk about this with me”, some have said. (I like those boys.)
This old-fashioned dad just wants what every dad wants - for his daughters to be healthy and happy. Having “the talk” is one way to help achieve that goal. My girls, my wife and I, each want for them to blossom in due time.
And if a guy tries to pick a petal, remember, the gardner is coming after you.
Thanks for reading my first blog.
Daddio
What daddio of a precious daddy’s little girl doesn’t feel this way?? Good for you for having the gumption to do the tough talk. Maybe one day, (maybe already?) your daughter will be lucky enough to bring home a boy whose dad (or mom) has had similar talks with him, about what it means to respect the girl he’s preparing to date, and how to conduct himself. A boy who KNOWS, because he’s seen love and respect and friendship and laughter modeled in his own parents lives. A boy who knows how important it is to treat her like a human being, to talk with her, hear her stories, and to find out who she is and what makes her tick. And to allow friendship to take root and grow ….. perchance to bloom into love. Would that ALL of our kids will remember who they are. And whose they are.
Thanks for your message… looking forward to more, daddio.
Love it!
As the mom of a 13 year old boy AND two little girls (6 & 7) I can see both sides of the fence and I hope all the dad’s my son encounters will be like you and I know my husband will be when the time comes!